Mar 27, 2019
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Before I Do (Part 2)

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Before you take the jump into the lifetime covenant of marriage, it’s imperative to think through the goals and dreams that both of you are nurturing. Do you have the capability to support one another’s desires and quests? How will your marriage affect your goals and vice versa? What are you willing to forgo for your spouse’s goal to be achieved? This is why you must each know your values. Focus on the big picture: what is it that both of you want from life? Can you pursue your dreams together as man and wife? Is there something either of you would need to give up when you get married, and if so, would you be able to let it go?

Before you take the jump into the lifetime covenant of marriage, it’s imperative to think through the goals and dreams that both of you are nurturing. Do you have the capability to support one another’s desires and quests? How will your marriage affect your goals and vice versa? What are you willing to forgo for your spouse’s goal to be achieved? This is why you must each know your values.

Focus on the big picture: what is it that both of you want from life? Can you pursue your dreams together as man and wife? Is there something either of you would need to give up when you get married, and if so, would you be able to let it go?

This type of conversation should take place during the love period

Ask questions! Ask questions!! Ask questions!!!

Questions are the Answers…Knowledge is king……Allan Pease.

Can two work together except they agree?

Spirituality is one of the prevalent hot-button subjects in relationships. It is strongly delicate and personal and can be the unbelievably touchy subject. This is all the more reason to talk it over early on.

I recently had a session with a lady whose dating partner’s belief system is completely opposite from hers. They have been in this relationship for about 10 months, yet she had no peace with the belief system. Like I said, my job is not to separate but rather to make you see why going ahead can or might result in regret.

Trust me you don’t want to be caught in that web. It is a difficult place to be. I was once in a relationship like that, morally to me the guy was sound, and I was headlong in love that it took betrayal on his part to make me see clearly.

Love and emotions have the tendency to cloud your reasoning; you need to be in a relationship without losing your mind. Having different belief systems doesn’t necessarily mean that your marriage can’t work, but you’ll have some very challenging waters to navigate–as a couple and between your families, as well. Add children to the mix, and things could become much more complicated.

What is the core spiritual or religious beliefs the two of you share? Finding your common ground and working outward from there is a great first step.

“To thyself be true”. Have you dealt with your baggage? Baggage can be privileged treatment received while growing up or in the previous relationship, hurts while growing up or from the prior relationship.  It could even be some experiences that you are holding onto.

One of the things I learned early in life is never to compare people because we are all unique in our ways.

In a lifelong relationship, you don’t put a new wine in an old wineskin. You have to let go of your ideologies of previous relationships. Men and women are not alike and there should be no basis for comparison.

It is important you see your new partner as a new individual. However, there could be patterns to watch out for but these have to be discussed. Give yourselves a chance to proof the proclaimed love.

It’s easy to say the past can’t define us which shouldn’t. But then, it can totally influence the present and future much more than you might like to acknowledge. Dissipating the air together about any past baggage you’re bringing into the relationship is important in sustaining your love life journey.

In as much as I would like to say that love and grace can overcome the most throbbing of past experiences, I will also say that working through this together now will help the two of you resolve whether the past is going to hinder your relationship from moving frontward.

Money talks and so does a healthy couple. “Which of you, intending to build a tower, will not sit down first and count the cost, whether you have sufficient money to finish it?”

You need to count the cost, check your financial status. Do not shy away from it. Your (both of you) attitude to finances will completely influence your whole life and test your love for each other. Holding a discussion about money might not be pleasant, but it will give you insight into one another’s lifestyle and attitude when it comes to spending and saving. Some people are savers while some are spenders.

Money is cited in many studies as the number one cause of conflict in marriage. As with the other topics I’ve talked about, it could be helpful for you to send me messages to get more insight in this area.

Get on the same page about finances early, and you’ll have an easier road ahead.

Being compatible with one another’s personalities and physical response is an essential factor to consider before you say “I DO”

Do you get along? How well do you get along? What’s your connection with one another?

It’s true that opposites attract; opposites attract, and can still be compatible. But sometimes our differences can throw us a curveball, and it’s helpful to know what they are and how to navigate them. You might be very attracted to each other right now, but if you don’t get along, the attraction may fade with time.

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Nike Adigun, The Pre-marriage Educator is a career HR generalist. She is also the founder & CEO of MyNaked, a game changer place for Marriage Education. Nike Adigun is a certified HR practitioner, Emotional Intelligence Performer, Relationship Assessment Facilitator and also a certified Marriage Mentor. She is passionate about God, family and giving couples a smart start in building a solid marriage relationship in a godly way. She is happily married to the crown on her head.

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