Love: A Decision Or Emotion

March 27, 2019by Nike Adigun0

If ever I made a mistake with you it is that I thought that your love was a feeling you were acting on, now that I think about it,………

My wife and friend was a woman who knew my deepest secrets and was proud to still call me her own.

We were married for about 4 years when I got into an accident and lost my ability to walk ever again. My two legs were amputated.

When we got married, we had decided to wait few years before we tried to have children as we wanted to enjoy ourselves ‘abi ki lo’ feel? (what do you feel?)

By the third year we had gone for a test and the doctors told us that I had a low sperm count and one other thing I didn’t understand. By this time, my family had started mounting pressure on my wife saying she was the problem, she was a curse and they called her all sorts of names.

You know it is funny how when in a crisis, we blame other people and never look at the first point of the problem.

With all of these going down south, I could not work again, there was frustration around me, the pressure to still be the head of the home as that is one of my primary assignments and the bills were becoming a reality. There was nothing I didn’t think of. Why was my life like this? Why did I bring sorrow to a beautiful woman? Should we just end the marriage? Am I a curse to this home?

At some point, out of deep intense depression, I started drinking. I didn’t know who to call on, prayer was not even a good place anymore – Thank you Lord for forgiving my unfaithfulness.

My wife was a diligent woman and still stuck with me. She took on responsibilities beyond her. She started working 3 jobs: 2 remote jobs and 1 9-2) She fed me, prayed for me and with me. She bathed me. She dressed me up. She was not shy to take me out even though I felt horrible about how I looked. She paid the bills and she did it without a flinch. In spite of all of these things, I knew that there was one thing that I was denying my wife and that is SEX. I tried to bring myself to that point where I will initiate it but never. My heart and mind had been clouded with the thoughts of never having a child and not being able to take care of the child.

On this day, I talked myself into the worst and the best thing that could happen to my wife and me if we had sex. I decided to look at it and to stick with the best option; after all, what you wish yourself with the right motive you will get it. So I called a female friend of ours to help set the mood in a way that I know my wife likes. I told her how to talk her into leaving office early to come back home to an early dinner that we had both prepared.

My wife came back home to a surprise that she could not hold back her tears. She was in shock for about 10 minutes. By this time, our friend had gone home. I wanted to make my wife feel like a woman. And so it happened. Did the thoughts come around? Oh yes, they did but I had to set my mind knowing that it was a mind over matter challenge.

The next morning, the joy in my heart knowing that for the first time in three years after my accident, my wife was glowing again I could not help but wonder on why I denied her this.

Fast forward to three and a half weeks later, my wife came home from work, met me working and gave me an envelope. There is nothing that didn’t cross my mind. Was she sacked? Did our landlord decide that it was now time to increase the rent? Oh no! Not now. I am just getting back to my grind.

I opened the letter with a, “what is the worst case scenario mindset,” and it was a bundle of joy that hit me.

First, my wife had been promoted to be the manager at her company and so she was given the option of staying here or relocating to the global office of the company which was in New York. Secondly, while the company was running the final medical test, they found out my wife was pregnant. Thirdly, her company was offering to pay the bills for me to get a prosthetic leg.

At this point, I knew that God and life were playing with my mind. I couldn’t believe this.

For 7 years, my wife endured torture from my family, pain from the circumstances around and sexual denial from her husband. Still, she made the decision to stay in this marriage.

Like I said at the beginning of this story, now that I think about it, she made a DECISION to love me in spite of my shortcomings.

Truthfully, it takes the decision of love to overcome anything in life. I love my wife. I still love my wife and I will choose her over and over again.

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